Humility

 Humility

According to the Webster dictionary definition of humility, is the state of being humble. The definition of humble is low modest, unassuming, not prouder haughty and not pretentious. For majority of my life up until now I was not aware of living with humility. However now that I am aware I am able to show and practice my humility, I don’t watch TV much but I love watching movies and I have noticed humility as a common topic and word used by celebrities and successful people. Isn’t it ironic how the celebrities and stars that so many people look up to will speak about how they have used the attitude and mindset of humility in order to become successful and make it to where they are today.

Showing humility consists of being humble and being less self-centered. Understanding that the world does not revolve around you. You are just as important and equal to everyone around you because we all are children of our creator. No matter what your religion or beliefs are, I believe we are all linked and have equal importance. None of the religions teach us to discriminate and spread hate around the world, or to hurt one another. Yet it is spread everyday in horrible ways.

Being humble also consists of you accepting that you do not know everything and don’t have all the answers. It helps to not behave like you do know everything, and also when you do have the answers you don’t go out and do it in a show off manner.

It is very important to remember that no one persons views, beliefs, customs or talents are beneath you. We are all unique and equally important in our own ways, and we will always be able to achieve more and accomplish more by working together in a productive, positive manner. One way I like to remember humility along with my personal definition for it is “ thinking about yourself less, not thinking you are less“..

I struggled with humility and I accept this. It is the reason I chose to continue moving in the right direction and practice more humility daily. Although I was a kind humble and modest person my humility was not as good as I thought. I had an incomplete understanding and I did think of myself as less which caused me to have low self-esteem in school growing up and at work when I was older. My low self-esteem caused me to have a lack of confidence in myself and in my abilities to do things and get stuff done.

Another way I struggled with humility is all the times I failed to share with others. I was very selfish and only shared with people who I could use and benefit from. Instead of helping others in need, by volunteering I only helped out in places where I would see something in return. I believe now it is good for your soul to give back and find opportunities to serve others and not expect anything in return for my efforts.

Another major way I struggled with humility was in my relationship with my family. I’m not proud of this but through my teenage years and early adult life, I remember having many misunderstandings with my humble and modest parents. My parents were immigrants and them having a lack of English proficiency, made me feel like I was above them. I felt like I was hot stuff and did not have to listen to them because I knew more. All the advice and help they were giving me was taken for granted and I did not pay heed to their wisdom they had tried to share with me. Being that I grew up in America and they were immigrants I believe their advice and knowledge was useless for me. Instead of giving them the respect they deserve for all the sacrifices they made for me and our family to be here, to move from a Third World country, literally from a small village to the big apple New York City. I had failed to give them the respect for the best that they have done.

My parents tried very hard to help me with my negative habits and get me off my addictive behaviors of indulging in alcohol and drugs. I ignored and neglected them just so I can continue to indulge. It was my way of fitting in and dealing with my negative emotions. It was my way of getting the confidence that I lacked in myself and was able to get threw external substances. I failed to acknowledge and accept my issues with addiction so I neglected the help from my family and put my drug use before them.

This behavior was so negative and destructive that I only engaged and made friends with people who would use drugs with me. For the people that didn’t, I thought I was better than them because they couldn’t get as high or handle the liquor. I was proud all for the wrong reasons. I also behaved in a way that I knew all the answers and I know more than others so when I would talk to others I was cocky and talked down to them. I looked at them as if they were ignorant and beneath me. The thoughts I should have kept in my mind and my self talk was that “ everyone is unique and different and we all have our own talents and beliefs and we are all equal individuals“.

Being a humble individual can help build stronger relationships with other people. This is because when you are humble and do things not only to benefit you but others around you, you can become a role model for others. You will be able to treat your coworkers and employees as team members and give them the same respect that you would want for yourself in return.

Practicing humility has helped me learn how to use empathy in my relationship with others. Empathy is the ability to put yourself in others shoes and understand their feelings emotions and thoughts. This will help you be more aware of your actions and behaviors when interacting with others so that you treat people with respect, the way that you want to be treated.

It is important to remember that you’re feelings and emotions are just as important as anyone else’s. When you remember this and incorporate it in your self talk you will begin to act in a less self-centered manner which will give you a new perspective, a new connection to the world around you. You will have a new viewpoint and be aware of how your actions affect others.

When you are more, considerate of others and are able to be courteous to them with the attitude of humility you will be able to learn about others cultures customs and beliefs. With this new gain and knowledge from others you can better yourself even more. I am a firm believer in self-help and self-help is a lifelong process and commitment. Remember that you do not know everything and every day is an opportunity to learn something new to better yourself and to acquire more understanding about others and the world around us. If you commit to self-help and working on yourself, you will see progress even if it is just one day a week. Being consistent is key and practicing more will yield greater results. If you follow and practice this attitude more often, even every day will increase your absorption and understanding of this attitude which will strengthen your foundation of the attitudes and help you achieve greater success and fulfillment from life.

Objectivity

 Objectivity

According to the Webster dictionary the definition for objectivity is treating or dealing with facts without distortion by personal feelings or prejudices. For me practicing objectivity has been considering the multiple sides of an issue and looking at it without my preconceived emotions and thoughts about the topic. Although my experience and knowledge is important every situation is different and to get the best outcome of a situation I practice being unbiased and listening to the full facts. When I disagree with someone and I'm having trouble agreeing with the person I just focus on listening to what they have to say. I try putting myself in their shoes before I think about responding.

In order to practice objectivity successfully you have to be willing to think about how the other person feels and their thoughts about the situation. My way to do this is by focusing on others and listening to the facts without letting my emotions and beliefs alter my perception. You have to step outside your body and listen to the facts. You have to listen to the three sides of the story which is your story, the other person's story, and the truth. The main purpose is to uncover the truth and that can be done by focusing on the facts of the situation without your judgment being clouded by your emotions.

I was seriously lacking objectivity in my attitude, perception on my life, especially with my relationships. I was not objective in arguments with my family member and the people close to me. I did not show respect in the form of listening to others or see things their way, this hurt me because these people care for me and were trying to point out my flaws in order to help me. Instead of listening and accepting the feedback, trying to change for the better, I chose to continue engaging with the world with a negative and selfish attitude.

This was also the case with my alcohol and drug use. When others pointed out my flaws I failed to listen and did not see the situation from their point of view. My parents tried to help me quit using drugs and told me I had addictive behaviors, I felt an attack on my self-esteem and did not receive the messages they were trying to give me to help me change and become better. Instead of looking at the negative aspects of my drug use, I was bias and focused on the things that supported me to continue using drugs. Basically Justifying my use because it made me feel better and helped me deal with my emotions. Depending on illegal drugs and substances was not the best choice, depending on anyting external was inadequate because it would only bring about temporary relief. 

When I chose to be biased and only looked at the things that encouraged my negative behavior I was struggling to keep a positive attitude of objectivity. This lacking caused me to push my loved ones away and continue being in this negative vicious cycle. I failed to look at the opposing views because they did not support my bad habits and motives. This was very detrimental to me both physically and mentally because of my dependency on an external substance that was slowly killing me like poison. Also it was mentally limiting my growth and hindering my natural way of dealing with negative emotions and my ability to deal with my problems and finding proper solutions and coping techniques.

Not being objective caused me to neglect my flaws, instead of accepting them and trying to fix them so that I can fix myself and learn from my choices and actions. This would have been a better alternative because I would have been able to work on myself and gain confidence and build my self-esteem and build character.

Practicing objectivity can tremendously benefit your relationship with other people in major ways. It can help your relationships because it encourages you to listen to others and be receptive to their message, their feelings and thoughts. Many people don't have people who actually listen to them and people they are able to vent to. If you practice listening and not just hearing them, you are actively listening, paying attention to their words and body language and tone of voice. Make sure to reiterate what they say and make proper eye contact. This will allow you to learn about the way others operate and think. Being able to do this with others will help you build stronger long lasting relationships and open new doors and opportunities for you in life.

Being objective will help you learn more about yourself as well. It will help you learn about your great attributes and your negative attributes. You will learn how your actions affect other people so that you can continue the good stuff and change the negative ones.

Keeping this mentality will contribute to your personality and character in the form of being less selfish and thinking and recognizing how your actions affect others. After practicing this attitude successfully you will be able to make better decisions in the future. These positive decisions will be more thought well and you will not be selfish and consider the effects of your actions on others and eliminate the ones that will affect others negatively.

I have used my mindset and attitude of objectivity to turn the negative situations and turning them into a positive experience. Being able to see the light when you are in the dark is a big relief and inspires you to stay on track and stay on a positive path so you can continue to work hard on your recovery and commitment to change.

Caring

According to the Webster dictionary the definition of caring is to be concerned or interested. For me showing caring involves being courteous and behaving in a manner of supervision over someone or something that you love or have a liking for.

Being able to practice caring involves appreciating others around you and also appreciating things such as nature and the circumstances that are part of your life and your environment. Life is filled with treasures including the experiences, adventures you have been on to your car and your house or your career. I personally believe the most precious thing in our lives is the connections with other people in the world. Although some of you might argue and say "I hate people they are so mean and evil". While this may be true about some people, it is not true about everyone. Everyone has multiple characteristics and all people are filled with good and bad it's just a part of life, it makes us all unique as individuals. Even the most peaceful and polite person could change or behave differently if put in a life-threatening or severe situation. However this is in the power of choice that we humans have and should practice to the full extent we can. Sometimes we may feel like we are stuck and only have one option, however keeping a calm and keeping patience can reveal other opportunities.

Caring for others around you will not only help you strengthen your relationship with them, it can give you passion and purpose in your life. We have the power to not only lift ourselves up but also others that are facing a difficult or tough time. That is how we can show caring by appreciating others and supporting the ones around you, especially the ones that need it. Being courteous to others and being able to practice empathy is a great way to show caring.Understanding what others feel and think will help you learn more about them. If you can figure out what people care for and motivate them it will help build meaningful relationships. You can find others that share the same passion and purpose as you. You can help others find happiness and fill your own life with joy and happiness.

I struggled to find the joy and happiness in life, instead of looking into myself and creating these positive feelings and thoughts, I focused on materialistic things on which I grew to be dependent on. Whether it was drugs or alcohol or attention from other people for the wrong reasons it was all unhealthy. I did not care for others and I did not look to help others with their problems because I was too busy and concerned about my own issues. I did not bother to have empathy for others, I was kind and courteous however it was not genuine from the heart it was more of a front and just like a frosting layer to my personality. I wasn't going to stick around continue being polite unless it was going to benefit me in one way or another. I love my family and friends, however there were times when I cared more about myself and was more concerned about getting high and having a good time rather than spending time with my family, spending quality time with others was second to getting high.

Practicing caring in your daily life involves showing appreciation to others and for the things we have in life. Showing appreciation to your loved ones can be done by spending valuable time with them. You don't have to buy them the newest watch or most expensive gifts to show them how much you love them. Remember time is the most valuable asset in life. No amount of money can buy 1 second of time, once it passes it is gone and you can never get it back. Just remember we all have time so there's no excuse, we should all spend a little time with our loved ones that we want to have around. Successfully showing caring can help you rebuild your relationships and strengthen them more than they previously were. By spending time with other people you can communicate and listen to their interest hobbies and figure out the things that make them happy and figure out things that motivate the ones that are important to you.

Now that you have figured out what motivates the other person you can begin to think about ways you can show caring to others. Remember to always think and set your mind into a positive attitude and begin to take action. Taking action with the attitude of caring in mind help us behave in a less selfish way and engaging in a more selflessness way and begin to serve those people that are important in our lives.

This is just the beginning because the attitude is highly contagious. Practicing caring daily will help you see the world from a new perspective and you can create a domino effect in other lives. Others will also develop this attitude of caring and engage in selfless acts of serving others that are struggling and in need of some help. This domino effect can make a huge impact on to other lives if it's done properly and effectively. There is not a limit to how many people that can be positively affected. Depending on what it is you care about your actions to serve others can turn into serving the whole neighborhood and leaving a positive impact in the lives of your whole community. This might not be an overnight process, it will take some time keep patience and keep persistent in your efforts. Being genuine you can make your thoughts and dreams of helping others and making a positive impact in this world into reality. Caring for others will bring you good karma as well. I love being able to put a smile on other people's face. I have a personal daily goal to make 5 people laugh every day. Some days it's more than five, I use humor as a way to connect and bond and show concern and appreciation for others. I make sure to do it in a way that I do not offend anyone else.

Honesty

 If you look up honesty in the Webster dictionary the definition mentions truthful and trustworthy, not deceptive; genuine, frank; sincere. For me honesty means being transparent and not holding information for the purpose of gaining or having hidden motives from a situation. It also means keeping the promises you made to others and following through with your word. Your word is your honesty see, if you say things and don't get them done people will lose their trust in you and will not want to deal with you. Being transparent with others, and letting them know the truth will lead to more meaningful relationships. I know some of you say that sometimes telling people the truth is detrimental because the truth sometimes hurts. However misleading or deceiving others will be worse. In those situations when telling the truth may offend someone try changing your approach and think about what you are going to say to the other person and let them know your intentions are not to hurt them and you don't want them to be mad if they hear it from someone else, because they will feel like you didn't tell them purposely.

Being honest with others is important, however being honest with yourself is even more important. Think about it, if you are comfortable with lying and deceiving yourself doing it to others is so much easier. It is also way more destructive to lie to yourself whether it be your feelings about an issue or about your priorities in life. 

Being honest and practicing It every day is the foundation to change. Being honest about the issue that you are not okay with will help you acknowledge the problem. Whether the issue is your behavior or a toxic relationship in order to fix the issue you must recognize what it is you need to change.

I have struggled to be honest with myself, I did not acknowledge problems and negative feelings because I did not want to appear weak and I had to keep my image of calm, collective, cool. However in reality I was about ready to pop, ready to explode because of my anger, resentment and vindictive behavior. Afterwards I would dwell on the issue thinking I should have said this or done that ending up becoming even more outraged at myself. I would tell myself next time I won't let this happen and the funny thing is due to my lack of honesty with myself and others I would find myself in similar situations. How could I have started to become honest with others if I can't even be honest and stop deceiving myself.

One of the reasons I believe I struggled with this is because I wanted to fit in and be accepted by others. I have learned that I am a perfectionist and I criticize myself so much and beat myself up, even when I did an okay and good enough job I always find a way to criticize myself and say I could have did better. I was trying so hard to impress other people and trying so hard to fit in that I found myself living the social media fake life. I was doing things to impress others, this way my way of getting attention and approval from others. I was living a fake life, it was an illusion just to be accepted and approved by other people so that I would not feel lonely. How stupid I was because the real ones who would love me unconditionally, I didn't have to dishonest just for validation from others. The real ones would love me just the way I am, the honest transparent, truthful me.

This was very sad and honestly I believe my drug use started not only because it made me feel good but also because I was accepted into a new social group which boosted my high and made me feel good about myself. I noticed over time that some people were not around for me but for the drugs and eventually my thinking shifted into this way too. I only hung out with certain people because they had a spot where we could smoke up, or have cars so we could get around town pick up some bud roll up and go on blunt rides. It was all good but it was not real it was a waste of time, money that I could have spent with the people who love me unconditionally not for the materialistic things or for the amount of drugs I had. I failed to be honest about this issue and I kept living this fake life.

Another time I failed to be honest with my cousin and I believe that has affected our relationship negatively. I went with my cousin because he needed to find a suit for his sister's wedding. I was in high school at the time and had not worn too many suits at that age. My cousin tried on a suit which unknowing to me fit him loose and made him look like a mobster. I didn't think much about it because it was a great suit and told him it looks good, instead of telling him hey man I don't have much experience with suits you should ask one of the workers at the store for help. I believe if I would have been honest and transparent about my lack of knowledge he would have not had to hear from others that he should have gone a suit that was more fitted, he would have respected my advice and honesty.

Being honest with others will help you become a role model for others you can help others make positive changes in their lives, they just haven't seen the benefits of change and honesty. However you are working on yourself and others will see your progress and come to you for advice and that will be your opportunity to enlighten and help others, refer them to this article or share with them what you know. 

Being a role model for others will help you build long-term Purpose Driven relationships that are mutually benefiting. others will feel that you are a person who they can trust and depend on. Whether it is your family or peers at work or members of your community, others would look up to you and see the benefits. Inspiring others to be honest will cause a domino effect to your team, and even your family and you can all make positive changes in order to become more successful. Allowing you to achieve more together and find more joy and happiness from the experiences in life.

Being honest not only with myself but others has opened doors and new opportunities that were not available for me before. Being honest about my drug addictions has allowed me to connect with others who have had trouble with the same issues and learn new ways to cope with issues. Although they are all different and have their own stories, there are so many similarities, much more similarities than differences. Being honest to myself has allowed me to surround myself with even more people who support and love me and want to see me succeed in life. Being honest about my problems has allowed me to find others who will help me stay away from my triggers for using again and I strive to help people in return. This has opened so many doors and avenues for me to reach my goals and achieve success. Instead of using drugs I now have many alternative positive activities I enjoy doing such as swimming, biking, reading, learning, traveling.

Unlocking your Motivation

 Motivation is the key to success and growth in life. If you want to be better than you were yesterday you have to be consistent. Just like working out at the gym, where continuous effort will yield results and gains. 

Where there is a Will there is a Way !

Consistency can guarantee you results and I believe that it is more important than the intensity. For example, if you workout 3 days a week for 3 hours you might want to try working out 5 days a week for 1.5 hours. You might be surprised to find that it might actually work better than the prior option.

What does Consistency have to do with Motivation?

In order to be consistent you have to find and be motivated. Life is extremely unpredictable and sometimes curveball situations could cause us to lose focus and become distracted.

Therefore you need to find Motivation to keep going and not give up.

Stay Disciplined!

What is Motivation?

Motivation can be described as having the desire to improve, having initiative to achieve. 

The Goal is to figure out how to Motivate yourself. My friends at the New York Labor Department believe that it can be achieved by

-Setting SMART Goals

-Building a plan

- Create a Reward System

-Challenge Yourself

-Surround your self with Motivated People

-Think Positively

-Maintain a Healthy Lifestyle

-Get Outside your comfort zone.

Self Motivational Words

- Sourced by New York State Labor Department.